HEALING IN LOVE, IDENTITY & RELATIONSHIPS

If You Didn’t Laugh…
6 min readOct 10, 2020

I meditated and wrote to myself…

17th June 2020

We can heal through a period of transformation by the disclosure of our pain. We can heal our petty indifference with a view to change the world.

We can heal our relationships when we are awakened to the lack of communication that is stifling our world.

The numbness that proliferates this world is killing us internally and manifesting in toxicity. The language of tolerance is not one we bring into our relationships. We plant missiles in the depths of our hearts and souls waiting for the day that you cannot stand the sight of your partner anymore, as if this is the inevitable way things should end.

Whether it is a screaming fight or cold civility — the shame is not processed.

Remember you are good people, you are living beings, you are here to feel and to be understood.

You are here to have healthy communication.

Healthy communication involves pain, and yet we live in a world that fears pain and discomfort.

WE have forgotten how to feel.

Our senses have been numbed, dulled, and intensified to feelings that are not real.

We got lost in the false reality, to the neglect of the real one.

Love is not tolerating pain, it is NAVIGATING IT.

IT IS FEELING IT.

IT IS OPENNESS.

To solve this is quite the task…

As we do not yet have the emotional tools in our arsenal.

As a result, we have silence, sulkiness, coolness that have created impenetrable fortresses in our hearts and minds.

Communication can even at times make things worse and make things harder, as we create layers of illusion.

A puzzle for the other partner to fathom out.

And they are often set up to fail, just so we can confirm our own unworthiness.

LONG TERM LOVE

Long term love can reduce individuals to their component parts to the point where they forget why they are there.

You forget who you are and the grass inevitably looks greener.

But the emotional work is not done.

We must figure out how and why you got to that point.

What was the thing that kept on being ignored in you…

Where did the pain keep hitting?

Why are you who you are?

Can we investigate it?

Can we investigate how we love and why?

Can we talk about how we hurt others, without believing this deems us unworthy of love?

This is the process of love

LOVE IS TOTAL

THERE ARE PARTS OF LOVE WE DO NOT WANT TO ACKNOWLEDGE.

THE PARTS THAT HURT THE MOST.

THE PARTS THAT STAB YOU RIGHT IN THE HEART, THE PARTS THAT WILL NEVER, EVER FEEL RIGHT.

BUT THEY ARE STILL CALLED LOVE.

THIS NOT MEAN TOLERATING ABUSE, BUT IT QUITE THE OPPOSITE…

It means not tolerating abuse, it means not placating your partner and using every survival technique you have learned to scrape the barrel of life because you feel so desperately unworthy that you will quite frankly take whatever scraps of love you can take.

You corner off parts of yourself because you feel someone else won’t accept them and at this stage of your evolution, you are quite right, people do not accept themselves in ANY WAY.

How can we heal our collective broken heart?

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE

A redefinition of what love means is required.

LOVE MEANS DISCLOSURE.

Love means truth.

Truth means telling the other person what is on your heart and mind.

It means telling them how you feel about what they do and what they don’t do and what you do and what you don’t do and the pain that lives in your heart.

It takes time to delve into your own pain and joy to discern your likes and dislikes. Due to attachment it hurts too much to be vulnerable enough to tell others your preferences and you mistakenly believe that you own another person and they can solve everything. Try owning yourself for a change.

Though I can tell you collectively that you are the most beautiful and expansive energies and you cannot ‘capture’ it, even if you wanted to.

So all your labels mean NOTHING when it comes to the true reality of who you are.

But we must navigate pain and comfort zones whilst we patiently create the next phase of L.O.V.E.

Monogamy is a particularly interesting bind that makes you feel safe.

THROW THE CONCEPT OF SAFETY OUT OF THE WINDOW. YOU ARE ALWAYS IN MOTION. Oh wow, how does it feel to know you are not ‘safe’ and there is no certainty? Rather than be terrified, why not just feel free?

Your partner secretly sometimes hates you as much as you hate yourself

Your partner sometimes thinks you are inadequate.

Your partner thinks this, that and the other.

The truth is you are good.

You are loved.

You make mistakes.

You hurt.

You are everything and more, including those terrible feelings and you can live with that.

You will only ever be just exactly as you are supposed to be.

The most fundamental truths are very simple.

Your culture's disdain for comfort is interesting.

Because truly engaging writing and healing can be life-changing, AND yet you ‘comfort’ yourself with the most UNCOMFORTABLE AND NUMBING methods such as social media, caffeine, drugs, and sex.

WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO TEAR THE PLASTER OFF AND LET GLORIOUS LOVE IN?

NOT THE LOVE IN THE MOVIES.

The love that exists in the cracks of your perfectly acceptable, aching heart.

There is a place inside that knows all this.

It is a place throbbing into consciousness right now, as we redefine love and loneliness.

Everyone is talking about being alone and it’s true, as you discover yourself as a friend, the whole world will change.

Your connections AND YOUR ATTACHMENTS will change toward one another.

ATTACHMENT

Attachment is one of the most damning part of the human species. You wrap each and every connection in an umbilical cord of pain.

STOP DOING THAT.

LOVING HARD MEANS BEING ABLE TO WALK AWAY.

Addiction profligates on your planet, as you don’t believe you are worthy of love.

You throw around love tepidly because you are afraid of PAIN.

STOP BEING AFRAID OF PAIN.

STOP IT.

Stop it.

Let it in.

Let it come in and ‘destroy’ you because it never, ever will (or truly can).

YOU WILL ONLY EVER LEARN.

EVEN death is a gateway, but we’ll discuss that at a different time.

LET IT IN AND THEN LET IT OUT TO THE UNIVERSE FOR HEALING.

LET IT OVERWHELM YOU BECAUSE IT NEVER, EVER COULD.

SEE-THROUGH THE TRANSIENCE OF DISCOMFORT OF PAIN AND DANCE IN IT.

LIVE IT IN AND GET ACQUAINTED WITH IT.

AND THEN WHEN YOU’RE DONE, YOU’LL SEE THERE IS SO MUCH JOY TO BE GRATEFUL FOR.

YOU WILL SEE THAT YOU ARE FINE.

LOVE IS A PROCESS AND YOU ARE DOING THE BEST YOU CAN MOMENT TO MOMENT.

INTEGRATE THE SHADOW PARTS, FOR THEY ARE PART OF THE WHOLENESS OF YOU, WHICH CAN NEVER TRULY BE DEFINED BY ANY LIMITED CHARACTERISTICS.

You are not ill, you are just human.

You are here to live. But you perpetuate the past so much through the process of healing that you continue to recreate it.

When I say integrate pain, there can be protections and layers of separation that means you process and integrate it without identifying too closely with any one thing.

You are several things at once.

You are an ever-changing and growing being.

Once you take on pain as a personality, that’s where the problems come in.

Addressing and processing pain places it within you in a space that you can access, deal with, understand, and INTEGRATE it as a mere part of you, that is NOT IN THE DRIVING SEAT.

You are not your pain. You are everything. You are all of your experiences, including the good bits. Amplify those a bit more. We very rarely amplify the best bits of our characters. We identify and become addicted to pain and then to love and then make that pain too.

LOOK AROUND SOMETIMES AND SEE THAT IT ISN’T ALL PAINFUL.PAIN IS LOUD AND SHOUTY. JOY IS SIMPLE. SIMPLE AS WE KNOW IS GENIUS. JOY IS IN THE LITTLE THINGS.

YOU HAVE JOY EVERYWHERE IF YOU STOP IDENTIFYING WHOLLY WITH PAIN.

YOU ARE ONE BIG GLORIOUS ENERGY.

DIRECT IT AND GUIDE IT AND MAYBE THEN LOVE WILL BE BETTER TOO.

LOVE WON’T BE ADDICTIVE

BECAUSE YOU ARE LOVE — ANY LOVE YOU BRING ON BOARD, WILL JUST ADD TO YOUR OVERFLOWING CUP OF LOVE

SO YOU DON’T NEEEEEEEEEED IT.

YOU JUST WANT IT AND CAN LEARN FROM IT AND GROW WITH IT AND YOU CAN LEAVE RELATIONSHIPS IF YOU WANT TO.

Attachment is going to change dramatically in the awakening, as you grow in sensitivity and complexity.

Forgive yourself for the times that you allow old paradigms of attachment to overwhelm you.

When something new comes along, of course, you want to go back to the old.

PROGRESS, NOT PERFECTION.

Progress, not perfection.

Progress, not perfection.

That is all for today on love, identity, and relationships

We shall discuss gateways and portals to love later on

LOVE

x

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